Smell good feel good (Spring)

Aesthetics of my tomorrow(s) and next year(s)

I’ve decided to grow my hair out again. I wrote reflecting on a essay a while ago where I talked about wanting to grow into the old man with long gray hair. Yet I keep shaving my head. I initially started to shave my head as if I was preparing for a daily battle. I was going through a few compounded challenges that needed my full attention from dusk to dawn and care taking of hair wasn’t a priority. I also stopped wearing cologne and oils during this time so I could get a better sense of what I was feeling. I’m fully aware of how powerful my nose is in giving me warning signals. My collection of oils were gifts to myself. But I wasn’t into the idea of indulging in my special luxuries at the time.

I recently listened to a couple who shared how sometimes our aesthetic choices are indicative of how we are subconsciously feeling on the inside. Aesthetic presentations are both a message to others and ourselves. Right before I chose to shave my head my hair was a bright violet. I received so much attention! Attention I wasn’t interested in.

I see now that I’m having to make more choices that align with the big bro to OG pipeline inside me. I noticed that a few of the men I met recently have really nice colognes. For different reasons I passively observe or look to them for guidance. My nose has told me that there's nuances within their lives that I don’t want but there's still something to learn.

I think its time to make some aesthetic changes. Experiments first then commitment later. The baseline is that I really want to make sure I have a good routine for taking care of my hair. The last time I had a foot and half long afro my scalp was severely dehydrated. I knew it was because of the stress, grief and rapid circular thoughts. My mind was like a computer giving off heat. But instead of a fan cooling the CPU and metal casings dispersing heat. My skin flaked and shed until I couldn’t take it anymore and I cut my hair.

It's a time for peace and building anew. It is time to put away the fatigues and SWAT pants(I was wearing these literally every day). Time for a new set of colognes. Some like the ocean and a few like a deep voiced laugh. Linen and raw denim call me. A new car too.

It's time to get a physical trainer again. To train with a group. I want to develop a relationship with a hair stylist who’s truly an artist in NYC. I miss getting my hair washed in the sink. It's time to learn to do my own lineup; because I travel too much and am loyal to my barber. It's time for new yoga clothes because I’m really getting into hot yoga and I don’t wear polyester anymore. It's time for some new glasses and contacts.

The more I type the more I recognize that I’m kind of just taking care of myself. Sure there's a few lux adjacent purchases. But these aesthetics have utility. The aesthetics should match where I’m headed. I’m not hiding. I’m not fighting. I’m breaking bread and kissing babies. War time is over! Planting the seeds for summer harvest has begun and the fields will be bountiful. The men and women around me will be beautiful, fed and most importantly smell good.