Killing me softly with love songs

Grow a backbone on this lovesick island

For a while now I’ve been pondering modern romance. How do we attract a great partner. What qualities should we look for. How can we develop better frameworks for romance. My own perspective on romance and the state of romance is probably really skewed because I live in a major city. But people I know in NY and other places are all having challenges with dating. Regular discussion about the lack of “good” options. But there is one thing I notice that almost everyone is having cognitive dissonance about and is our fault.

I believe if we where to take more responsibility for public health, dating and romance wouldn’t be as much of an issue. We haven’t considered the impact of the population decline of the initial covid waves had on dating and socializing. There isn’t even consideration of what long covid means for single people. There isn’t enough effort made to rebuild pre pandemic [and really pre internet] social skills. Many of us are literally killing and disabling our potential mates. I have an acquaintance who is suffering from long covid, can’t walk up stairs without losing their breath, has no hoes, can’t spit a good game and still doesn’t mask.

No one is masking anymore and I get why. We want to go to the parties, attempt to reclaim the social lives that we lost from 2020 to 2022 and look cute doing it. We all practice a collective cognitive dissonance that refers to covid as a former era when we are currently living in it.

But in a city where everyone is beautiful and people claim to want someone who aligns with their values, how real are your values in the face of immanent danger? People fold on political affiliations and beliefs when their dating partner has other qualities that they can’t seem to find elsewhere.

Masking represents the highest values that many people seek in a partners. Its protection[of the disabled], compassion [for strangers], confidence [to take a stand even though you might look strange] and it's a respect for both self and others.

It shouldn’t be that hard to conceptualize your responsibility to others. Especially if you are in pursuit of connection.

I partially blame the acceptance of antisocial behavior as the norm for this predicament. People are avoidant on discourse that is uncomfortable; a core tenant of being able to socialize. The lack of social skills thus hurting people’s ability to flirt, attract and move beyond the physical in order to attract a mate. The antisocial tendencies we have adopted have led us to become people of no substance. We scroll all day instead of engaging the art around us. Art that would give us something interesting to talk about from behind our mask. Art that would make it easier for us to vocalize our values and connect with others. Art that would remind us of what its like to truly love one another. That old school R&B love that would have grown men out in the rain crying for their baby. Love that would do anything for love. Like wearing a mask.

In 2020 we taught people how to create safe social bubbles that are regularly tested. We’ve fallen out of practice. That 6th degree connection probably exposed your soul mate to covid and now they can’t even get out of bed to go to the coffee shop for your potential meet cute.

I need people to grow a backbone. In a moment where we are losing our civil liberties, my neighbors and larger community don’t inspire hope. We can vote all we want but we don’t practice community protection with one simple act. If you can’t mask and stretch your social skills for the sake of protecting LIVES. I wonder what other liberties you are willing to give up. Don’t say “Free [insert country]” when you can’t even free yourself of selfishness enough to protect your neighbor from an invisible enemy. Let alone and enemy using more direct forms of harm and death making.